The Throwaway Dog
I wanted to say THANK YOU to everyone who has been following Titan's story. Thank you for all the prayers, well wishes, positive notes, and generosity you've given to a dog you've not met. You are all definitely a great group of people and I could not be more proud to call you my friends!
Cornell called this morning to say that he is peeing well on his own and that he handled the anesthesia well and we can pick him up today at 4pm.
Never in my wildest dreams would I think I'd devote so much time to a dog peeing as I have since meeting Titan.
Did he pee?
Was he straining?
Was it easy?
Was it a stream or just drops? etc...
Yet here I am typing away and here you are reading it. So that either makes us both really strange folks, or highly compassionate humans.
I'd like to think we're highly compassionate humans.
In all of the whirlwind these past 13 days people keep saying "At least Titan knows he's loved." Truth is, I don't think he does. Yet.
From his perspective it's probably like this:
"First I lived with a guy for 2 years and something happened and that guy left (went to jail). He gave me away to a friend of his and she did the best she could but after a year she got a new puppy and took me to a building I'd been to several time before, signed some paperwork (euthanization papers), left and never came back.
Then the next day these 2 other people show up and took me away to a place I'd never seen and it's kind of weird because they have boxes every where and keep moving stuff around (we're in the process of moving).
On top of that they keep taking me to all these different buildings that poke and prod at me all the time. They put tubes up my junk and press on all my parts and give me yucky medicine with a smile.
I was starting to really like them but then they took me to a really big building with lots of people in lab coats and handed me over and walked away.
They always walk away."
When I think that could be his perception it makes me sad, but what I know that Titan doesn't know is that his new bed that's big enough to fit all of him was delivered 2 days ago along with his new food that will cut down on the amount of bladder stones he will create in the future.
I also know that the new house we're moving to has very few stairs (which he hates and is horrible at) and it has a HUGE back yard with a walking path near by.
I know that an entire community cares and jumped in to help save this boy without hesitation.
I know that he is already loved beyond measure not just by me and my husband but by hundreds of people he may never meet. It doesn't matter, they love him anyway.
I know that he now has the opportunity to have great future.
I know that he had to go through a lot of crap to get to where he is now but that's true for all of us actually.
We all wish the crap hadn't of happened in our lives. We get upset because it did. We think we did something wrong that allowed it or caused it to happen and we forget that no one, NO ONE has a life experience without some crap.
If Titan hadn't been given away and then left to die he would not be on the cusp of this next chapter that's going to be awesome. So freakin' awesome.
Every single one of us can say the same thing about our lives.
Every. Single. One.
Ever notice how animals and people who've been through a lot are more grateful than animals and people who've been catered too and had it easy?
You think that's coincidence?
Yet we still wish our life was easy? Really?
What I've learned is that the crap times, the crap people and the crap experiences aren't the issue as most of us have moved on from them physically.
The issue is that we continuously replay the old crap memories in our head all day every day and relive that pain as if it were happening right now.
It's our inability to move on from past pain that causes a lot of our current pain.
Dave and I don't prefer the cute dogs that everyone falls over themselves for. Instead we prefer the throwaway dogs. Dogs that need a steady hand, patience and lots of love.
Honestly, I think we're all throwaway's to some extent.
Its safe to say that most of us have had someone in our past that didn't love us. Someone that didn't respect us or value us. Someone that walked away and left us. Someone who made us feel useless, worthless and/or not good enough.
But then someone else walks into our lives and reflects back to us our worth. It seems so easy for them to see it and yet so hard for us.
Because we can't see it, we insist it's not there. But they know better.
At first we don't believe them. But they are patient and they keep reminding us that it's true. Their patience gives us the space to allow us to see ourselves as worthy.
Throw away dogs are no different than we are. They too need someone patient enough to continuously reaffirm their worth until they can see it themselves.
Titan cowers and approaches you with his head lowered. Someone along the line has taught this boy to feel less than. Someone has made him feel as if he has to grovel for a little bit of attention.
We do not pet him until his head is high. We talk to him and when he raises his head we praise him and give him lots of love. We tell him he wasn't born to be a pocket pet wearing cute sweaters. He was born to be a damn Mastiff.
If you could listen in on my conversations with him, you'd hear me say:
"You are a Mastiff.
You are Mastiff Strong - your name is Titan.
You are bold and loving and kind.
You stand up straight and tall and be proud to be a larger than life, drooling smoosh face dog.
Do not be ashamed to be a big dog.
There are enough small dogs in the world.
There are not enough Titan size love dogs in the world."
(Surely we're not the only ones that talk to our dogs, lol)
We tell him, do not waste any time on trying to figure out why they threw you away.
Because they tossed you aside, you can now be free to move on with your life instead of being stuck in the previous one you hated in the first place.
They did you a favor big dog.
The people who threw us away did us a favor too.
Can you see that or are you still living that painful past in your head?
Remember, the choice is yours.
Titans reward for being thrown away will be an amazing life that he wouldn't have had otherwise. As humans, our reward is the same - but only if we choose for it to be.
I think that's why we all gravitate to stories of the throwaway animals who've overcome adversity and go on to live a great life in-spite of having been dismissed and mistreated by people in their past.
I think the thrown away part in us, recognizes the thrown away part in them and by stepping in and doing what we can to save them we're somehow able to save ourselves.
Much Love & Gratitude,